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“Your children need your presence more than your presents.” - Jesse Jackson
As a parent we want to raise our kids with all that we have and maybe more. We love them, shower them with our care and make efforts to give them a life better than ours. In this attempt we sometimes forget that raising great kids that are self disciplined and happy does not take money. What it takes is our dedication, time and a lot of love for the little ones!
Many a times we come across kids who are happy, content and well disciplined despite the fact that they are not so well off. Their parents are playing no magic tricks that you can’t do. Just learn these 5 things, apply them and see your kids grow up to be responsible and happy adults!
They Need Secure Attachment
Babies grow up to be adults while passing through many stages and they need parental love in all of these. While they are little infants, they cry and need their parents to comfort them and look into their physical needs. When they turn into toddlers, the physical needs may somewhat be less but they have a lot of emotional needs. Parents who get irritated with this neediness or their child and try to force their own needs on the kids may not be able to raise a secure child. The kid needs to feel connected to the parents to grow up feeling secure and happy!
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Discipline Them With Empathy
The way we discipline are kids is a major factor that determines whether or not the kid will be self disciplined later. Here the two extreme parenting styles create problem. Permissive parenting, where there are no limits on the kid will never let the child learn to be disciplined. Such kids have a tough time dealing with other people’s needs. Authoritarian parenting, where harsh limits are imposed on the kid creates a feeling of rebellion in kids. The child feels burdened with them and never truly accepts them. A balance of limits with logic and care is required to raise self disciplined kids! Though they will not like the limits but if they feel understood, they will accept them somehow.
Self Soothing Is learned By Parental Soothing
As a parent you want your child to becomes independent in handling his emotions. But as a kid if you leave him alone to deal with his emotions, he is not going to learn to self soothe. Rather it will only create problems in this process and even as he grows up, he will not be able to calm his raging emotions. When as a parent, you soothe your little kid, soothing biochemicals are released and he calms down. Kids who are more anxious and dramatic need extra soothing from the parent to learn self soothing later.
Also read: 7 Toddler Truths You Gotta Learn Now
Good Behavior Comes From Accepting Parents
Emotions are made to be felt and once we feel them, we can leave them behind. If you suppress your emotions for a long time, you lose control over them. Then they come out unrestricted and cause bad behavior. When a child is being angry, uncooperative and fearful, this is basically a signal for the parents to allow their child to let his emotions out in their presence. When a child is allowed to show his emotions in front of his parents, he can better manage them and show good behavior. Be a loving witness for your child to let him show his true emotions, be it upset or anger, just allow it!
Children Behave As They See
No matter how much you preach them that yelling is bad and abusing is not acceptable, if you portray this behavior, they will pick it up. If you show respect and love to them, they grow up to show these feelings to others. But if you are shouting at them now, you see that coming back to you in a few years! If your kids pick up such things from elsewhere and bring it back home, be very polite in telling them that this does not happen in your family. They will willingly shut these habits out and relate to politeness just as you have depicted!
These things might seem pretty easy, but let’s warn you, they are not! To raise your kids to be happy as well as disciplined, you firstly need to manage your own emotions. Depicting a behavior that you want your kids to imitate is the tough part. But will patience you can do it. Just remember you want your kids to be great children and it will all come easy to you!
