Tips For Parents To Be Good Listeners To their Kids

What do you do when your kid comes up to you with a problem? You answer them or maybe teach them, figure out solutions or even lecture them. That’s the most common of things you’ve been doing but wait and think again. Your kids don’t want this from you and worse still, this plan of action you have for tricky situations is actually keeping them from learning to solve their problems themselves.

What your little one’s really want from you when them share a problem with you is that you be available to them and listen. They want you to just listen them out and empathize with them. They don’t want your concern to be adulterated with lecturing or solutions. Just be a good listener to them and they will figure out their way themselves. How to do this? Read on!

Pay Attention

Many a times we have fooled our kids saying that we are listening to them but in reality we were too engrossed in our phone that we didn't hear a word. Your kid wasn't fooled, he knows when you are listening and when you aren't and he feels heartbroken when you ignore him. When your kid is talking to you, put your phone away and give him your undivided attention. He will remember this for a life time that you spared time!

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Empathize

Most parents ask questions if they find something wrong with their kid, “How are you feeling, angry?” is a common thing you’ve said to your kid. But that’s not the correct way to start this conversation, your kid might just shrug away. Rather show empathy by mirroring what you can see or what you’ve heard from your kid. “You seem angry at your brother” is a better way to start, he will be more likely to open up to you!

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Eye Contact

Though as adults we prefer maintaining eye contact while making a point, kids prefer to pour their heart out when you are not looking them in the eye. Try and encourage conversations with your kid while you are in the car, or walking down the street. The best time is when you are lying beside her before bedtime when the lights are out. She is more likely to talk freely in the dark!

Accepting Emotions

Learn to accept your kid’s emotions, no matter how negative they are at the moment. Even if your kid is jealous or angry, tell him you understand. This is very important because when his feelings are accepted, they will dissipate also. But when feelings are repressed, they come out uncontrolled. You don’t have to deal with these feelings but just accept them, your kid will love you for this!

Resist Lecturing

Many a times you will face situations where you find your kid is making the wrong choice but don’t say anything. This might seem weird to some of you, “How can you not show him the right path.” but resist the urge of lecturing. If there is a big issue, intervene but for small matters, it is best that you let your kid learn to deal with it. While he is talking to you, make sounds like, hmmm, yes, huh.. To let him know you are listening but don’t react!

Don’t Cheer Her Up

Now this is definitely not what you had on mind when you started reading but take this seriously. Majority of the time, parents tend to pull their kids out of upset and cheer them up. Though this may get her mood upright for the time being, the upset will be hidden and will come out some other time. But if you just empathize with her and give her time to get over it herself she is less likely to feel upset again later over the same thing!

Detach

Shocked? Why would you detach from your child when she is distressed? Because you are likely to feel guilty about it, “Why was I not there to prevent this” or “Why is this happening to my kid” are things that will come to your mind. But you need to understand that this is not about you, rather it is the time when your kid will learn to be independent. Manage your feelings, be objective about the situation and detach from it, only then you will be able to help your kid!

Be a good listener to your kid, get them talking to you and bond with them. This is the best way to come close to your growing kids and allow a smooth communication channel between you!