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What to do when your temper rises? Yelling won’t work. Your inner critic if you yell will tell you that you are a bad mother and will make things worst for you. So what actually to do? How to deal with your temper? So here’s the answer, do nothing. Really nothing. When our temper rises we have this urge to do something, anything. So, when you get this urge simply do nothing. So the most effective thing you can do is, restore yourself, calm before you act. See how!
Notice that you are starting to get swept “fight or flight.”
It might be your voice getting louder, or your jaw clenching or an exasperated sigh. Worst, your mind starts churning with irritated thoughts. So once you get to notice that your temper is rising and that trouble is brewing you get to make a choice about how to respond too.
Well noticing the little upsets before you are hijacked by your anger is little difficult but not impossible. And with practice everything gets easier. So the next time you sense you are loosing your anger practice how to keep calm.
Stop drop and breathe
This one important agenda you can take up to control your anger. Whenever you feel like you are loosing your temper just stop, drop the feeling and breathe deep. The deep breathe will take away all the anger and you’ll be saved, your child from your anger too. The deep breath interrupts the stress hormone flooding your body.
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Resist taking actions
Just breathe and let the anger settle, do not react. Think before you do anything and while who are thinking take deep breaths so that the anger fades away. We know you’ll feel like lashing out or fighting or you will feel like numbing yourself with food or screen or flight. You’ll feel like you cannot breathe but if you keep breathing the temper will go away. And if the feeling is too unbearable just wrap yourself with your own arms and flood love on you, yes it does work.
Work hard to see things from your kids point of view
You cannot just see the situation lone from your point of view, you’ll have to understand and see what your kid is going through. Yes, you’ll feel like he’s at fault but he might not be if we see the same thing done, from his point of view. So rather than thinking and focusing that your child has done something wrong rather think it the way that your kid needs your help. Re frame the situation to something which is more true, say for example. ‘He’s having a tough time and he needs my help’, your anger will fade away for sure.
Choose love
Every action we do can be seen as a choice between the two, love and fear, fear as it hides somewhere behind anger, the fear of fight or flight. So once you free yourself from the fear you make a better choice, isn’t this we ask our kids always for.
Follow the following to react in a better way:
- Set a limit but with empathy.
- Listen to why he did so or is upset about.
- Always hold out your arms for a warm hug.
- Move into playful mode to let go of the anger.
So now when you know how you should control yourself the next task here for you will be to teach them hoe to behave, in a polite manner, once you are over your anger or the rise of the temper. Keep calm and be a good parent!
