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“There is no friendship, no love, like that of the parent for the child.” - Henry Ward Beecher
Doubting the love of parents for their kids is not fair. Their feelings, concern and bond with their little ones is unfathomable. But sometimes as a parent we act in ways that reciprocate negative feelings to our kids. Amid numerous troubles when we hear one wrong doing of our kid we often start looking at them through a negative lens. This does nothing in disciplining them but only pushes them away from us. The things that we say in a rage (that we don’t mean) often cause wounds on the delicate hearts of our little ones. The need of repairing the damage we have done arises. It is not that tough, you can get back into a positive cycle with your kid in just 5 steps, here they are!
Calm Down
When you are in a state of anger, upset or fear it is obvious that you want to lash out but you need to control yourself. You need to know that no matter how wrong your kid had done, he is not your enemy so you will have to calm down before you have a word with him. Give yourself some time to feel all the anger and frustration you have and wait for it to subside. Come out of it with love for your kid and then talk to him about the things he did wrong, chances of a fight are slim!
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Forget Fear
When you see your kid acting in a bad way that too purposely, it is understandable that you will have a hint of fear in you. Questions like will she be like this for her whole life, when she grows up these behaviors will be intolerable and so on will raid your mind. But you need to know that things will not remain this way, she will grow up and mature gradually. She will change but for that she needs you to believe in her inner goodness and love her unconditionally!
Her Perspective
When your child misbehaves what you see is his wrong deed but you pay no attention to the reason he has done it. Try to understand his perspective on life and you will know what makes him do such things. For example kids who feel jealously from siblings because you may not be paying him much attention are likely to hit his siblings. When he needs to feel safe in your arms he might turn cranky. Its just his way of getting his needs met. Understand these signal and look after his needs in a positive manner to prevent bad behavior.
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Write His Strengths
It can be tough to look at his strengths when he is giving you all reasons to focus on his faults but you need to do it. Pick up a pen and sheet of paper and jot down all the strengths you see in your kid. Also pay attention to the shortcomings that you see but which are positive when seen from another perspective. You will find yourself more positive after this little exercise and you will be in the right frame of mind to talk to him and sort things out!
Re-Connect
Look for little opportunities where you can connect with him and shower him with all your love and care. Show him that he means a lot to you, read bedtime stories to him, play games with him and be all ears when he wants to share his thoughts with you. When you see him behaving in the wrong way talk to him. Reflect his feelings and show him that behaving this way is not what he wants. Always remind him how loved he is and actively build his self esteem!
In a few days time you will feel a change in the situation. There will be a positive change in your child and you will feel more connected to him. Your patience will also be increasing after repeated efforts and gradually it will come naturally to you. Your kid will blossom more in the safe environment you will be creating for him. Just stay positive and be there for your kid, its about his childhood that will not come back!
